XxScReWeDuPgIrLxX's Xanga

Boyfriends VS. Best Friends

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 05:10:51 GMT

the title sayz I'm going thru. My best friend wants to spend more time w/her boyfriend that me and I understand that. But when I invite her over and she calls me saying she wants to spend the nite with her boyfriend it fucking kills me! I mean I know I haven't been in a relationship in awhile but no real best friend would ditch her friend (who invited her first) for her boyfriend no matter the situation, but I let that go a couple of times and thought "ok its summer he works alot and she works ok i'll let it go." But now its almost skool time and when she's over she's still talking to him even tho just a few hours ago she was pissed at him becuz he was an asshole. I don't know I just feel like he doesn't want her hanging out with me and this is his way of messing things up between us. She's my best friend and I love her to death but there comes a point in everyone's life where we have to chose Friendship VS. Love. And I don't want that to happen to her becuz I kno she loves him and she cares about him deeply and I don't wanna b the bitch who broke up her high skool romance but I mean come on! First they basically tell me that I'm the reason their relationship is fucked up and now I can't my friend only with out him talking to her in someway shape or form. Maybe this all needs to happen for something better to come (or at least I hope) I swear I just wanna lie down and cry everytime this happens becuz all I'm trying to do is hang out with my best friend and have a good time but it seems I can't even do that without him wanting to interfere. Oh well I guess I'll just have to keep my mouth shut about how bad he treats her, how much time he spends with her, and how i supposedly fucked up their relationship. Ta-Ta Loves!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 01:11:36 GMT

Life is like a rollarcoaster. Sumtimes it has more ups than downs and vice versus. And this week was def one of the worst of my life. I have a guy who won't leave me alone and stalks me just to get me to talk to him. I have people out to get me for what they think I did. Sum asshole guys think that i turned in a list to NP of drug dealers that deal at the place where i used to work, even tho i'm friends w/most of the people on that list and date druggies! So naturally it doesn't make since why i'd do that!! I finally got a new job and not getting paid cuz i'm "new there". Whatever all i kno is that this next week better get better or i'll frikin shoot sumbody or sumthing! haha Ok i'm off to go finish watching "Evita" the best movie ever! Ta-Ta My Loves!

"I can't change the way u feel."

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 22:39:51 GMT

i think that the headline explains it all. Steven and I are never going to b together again and this time......i don't mind and i'm ok w/the fact that he wants sum1 his own age. last time he told me this i was sadden and upset, but this time i wasn't upset i was actually....happy. i guess b/c instead of him telling me it i was the one that brought it up and kne wat his answer was going to be. i basically saved myself the trouble of all the tears and the what if's. i'm actually hoping that he'll meet sum1 his own age cuz i guess all he can find is ppl my age idk but i want him to be happy even if its w/sum1 else cuz he was my friend first and always will b. so Steven good luck w/the girl hunt!! haha tonite i'm going over to tasha's and lets just say that there's a big bottle of vodka w/my name on it! =) haha i really need to go and get drunk to forget boys,parents, skool, n gay people!! so i'm going to go start getting ready!! l8r sk8rs

I’m feeling nervous trying to be so perfect cause I know you’re worth it...

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 01:34:12 GMT

I miss him. I love him. I wish he were here. I wish he were mine again. Saturday nite Tasha came over to my house and spent the nite and it was a fun,loving, hurting nite. I talked to Steven that nite and well he was pissed b/c of Tasha's e-mail to him, which is was pretty mean. And then I started talking to him then tasha said sum stuff and pissed him off. But then about 20 minutes he started talking to me again. And then i def fucked up by asking a question that i shouldn't have asked....gawd i wish i hadn't sooooo fuckin much. But then he said a really sweet thing even to make me feel better, he said "camp sight with friends, wishing u were there to hold". i mean how fuckin sweet is that!! Then he told me that he loved me and i thought he meant like friends so i said that i loved him too then he goes no i really mean it!! i was sooo fuckin happy!! if he had been there i would have kissed him sooo hard and long! lol but i'm pretty sure that i fucked up w/him b/c of Tasha. Which sux b/c i love him soo fuckin much! I mean i just wanna see him again and b/his again. I wanna b "His Sammi" again. Gawd i miss him but he's probly out partying and not thinking about me, but idk mayb he is thinking about me . i kno i'm thinking about him! haha well anyway I hope and pray i didn't mess up w/him b/c i can't afford to mess up anymore times w/him cuz idk how much longer he's going to wanna b w/me, u kno? well g2g love ya sk8rs!

Say goodbye It'll make me want to kiss you....

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:31:57 GMT

its been awhile since i've wrote in here and i relly need to vent sum stuff. during spring break i was in accident and hit my head on concrete and almost died! not fun! and my mom finally knos that i smoke and begged me to quit so i said i would but at the wired about 3 wks ago i smoked like half a pack b/c i kne it would be the last time i would b able to smoke...until yesterday that is...and today. oops! haha oh well shit happens. i got fired for embarassing my fag (literally) manager b/c he didn't kno how to do a coupon. how gay is that?! been there 2 fuckin yrs. and get fired over a coupon. w/e he needs to get butt-fucked. during spring break steven e-mailed me. and of course he sayz i miss u and wanna see u again. which tasha just gets pissed at me for talking to him again, but she doesn't understand wat i feel for him and wat i went thru and how much stronger i am b/c of him. so yesterday we were at the library in e*ville looking up info on a english project and she gets on the internet to look for pics and get on myspace. when i walked over to show her wat books i had found she was writing a message to steven bitching him out for wat he's done to me and shit. and she asked if i wanted to say anything so i asked to add sumthing about when i last saw him b/c i was hurt by wat happened. and i wanted to ask him id he remembered but i was scared to say anything to him about it. its strange i can bitch practially any1 out but when it comes to him....i just can't. practically all of my friends want me to stay away from him and shit but i've done that...several times i've listened to them instead of my heart. but i think this time i'm going to listen to my heart and not my friends even if it means me hating myself for getting my heart broken again. steven if ur reading this- plz tell me wat u want me to b in ur life. ur friend? ur gf? ur support? just tell me sumthing...ANYTHING!!! as u can tell i'm single and wanting to find sumthing to call home cuz home rite now sux. my dad is always drunk now. i hate it cuz i have nowhere to go. i wish i did, i wish i had sum1 to talk to when he's like this. well l8r sk8rs

Sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye.

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 02:32:27 GMT

ok so its been like 2 months since i've written in here, and alot's happen to me. i got drunk & almost had sex w/my ex-bf who i hate! I asked Steven if he wanted to be w/me then tell eitherwise let me move on w/my life & the boy said he did want to be w/me. So i was happy then he broke my heart like a week after telling me this. And so that was the hint that he didn't want to be w/me. I've been busy partying and cruising around w/friends and making new friends. I finally got my Algebra grade up and got my mother off my back for a lil bit! yay!!! Friday nite I hung out at Tim's and a bunch of were watching movies and hanging out but me and my friend, Kate got bored n went to my house n got sum alcohol for me, her, and Tim. We didn't drink much cuz we didn't have much at my house! lol but anywayz it was a good old time! And for the past 2 weeks I keep getting my car and cell fone took away from me for shit! lol oops!!! i'm not a bad girl!! lol But rite now i like a few guys but none that i have a chance in hell with...like Paul, Josh, and Keegan. I'll telling every1 b/c I don't care anymore who knos cuz my lovelife is like in the shitter!!! I've moved on past Steven but to get past him it took me brawling my eyes for 30 minutes and me cutting myself to realize that i deserve sum guy who will treat me ten times better. I wish i could find sum1 who I really like and who really likes me. Hopefully soon cuz i miss having to call sum1 at nite and talk to about my life who wasn't just a friend. Well good-bye sk8rs!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 03:53:16 GMT

Merry Christmas everybody who reads this!!! this has been a "ok" christmas. i got a digital camera and new headfones which is pretty cool. but there's still soo much missing this yr. this yr i don't have my grandma which sux b/c i always would call her and she'd tell me christmas stories from her childhood n even tho i'd heard them plenty of times b4 i didn't care b/c it was special to me...and this yr i don't get to hear those stories =*( and also i was sorta hoping to have sum1 special but once again i don't. i wished for a bf (named steven lol) but i guess i wish for too much sumtimes. lol my friend amanda told me sumthing yesterday she said "no man is worth ur tears,but the one that is won't make u cry" and that started making me think "yea she's rite. if steven relly wanted to b w/me he'd b w/me and he wouldn't make me cry" then i wanted to call him and ask him if he relly wanted to b w/me lol but i didn't b/c i'ma dumbass. but alls well that ends well!! i'm excited i get to go to connersville & columbus to visit my cuzins!! i get to see my lil cuzins: deacon (4), damon (10 months), jeffrey (10) , tracy and her husband dan, bryan and his wife christy!! i'm relly happy cuz my and christy (my cuzins wife) are relly close. when they were here in july we talked alot about everything! she's like my big sister! but yea i hope i get sum more guy tips cuz yea my single ass needs sum lovin!! its been 1 month today since i've kissed any1!! lol anyway! g2g l8r sk8rs

Monday, December 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 00:44:24 GMT

y are relationships so hard to start and soo hard to keep?? i just can't understand y we girls put ourselves thru things just to b sum1 who makes us feel special and perfect. i kno we all do it and i've seen how they end up--boy ends up breaking the girls heart b/c he can't make up his mind and the girl is just torn up into pieces waiting for his answer soo she can b his and b happy. i alwayz promised myself that i'd never go thru that or put myself in that kind of situation. but here i am in that situation. wanting to b w/sum1 so bad that i'll get into fights w/my friends and tell them that i won't b hurt and we'll b together. but i feel like i everytime i say that that i'm not only lying to them but to myself. yea he makes me feel so important when i talk to him or when i see him, and there's just sumthing about him that has me saying "i'll b his one day again. mayb not rite now. but sumday." but the truth is....is that i don't think he wants to b w/me anymore and i just wish guys would tell us if they wanted to b friends or more than friends so us girls could move on. but thats life. we always want sumthing we kno we'll never have back, and we just have to remember that when we see him out w/another girl or hearing him talk about his new gf or hear him call sum other girl beautiful.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 03:20:16 GMT

so many emotions are running thru me rite now. i'm pissed b/c my snowball got suspended for fighting, and now he can't go to the dance w/me so i'm dateless. wat joy!! Tuesday was a relly good day that got...even better. when i got on myspace steven had messaged me. i was sooo fuckin happy and the stuff he said made me cry but it was a happy cry. i was soo happy susan kept saying "i hope u guys get back together cuz that would b relly cool" and soo she got my hopes high. when i got to skool my friend krystle started to make me think alot about the negative points. she told that if we did start being a couple again that he would only end up hurting me again and worse than he did b4. then she said that i was stupid enuff to go thru that pain again b/c of how much i've missed him. which the sad part is is that she mite be rite. i mean "wat if things are the same like how i left it when we split?" "wat if we don't get back together am i going to b sad??" i hate when i question sumthing that i want or want bac. but if krystle's rite then i mean am i just a complete dumbass for wanting to b w/him again?? or as my friend autumn sayz am i just crazy for the boy who stole my heart this summer?? i mean hearing his voice again brought back memories of convos we had on the fone and sum stuff he said that made my heart flutter. like rite now i wanna pick up the fone and call him but i'm afraid and i'm usually never afraid to call anybody!! but this time is different. i don't kno how to describe it it just is. oh well life goes on. l8r sk8rs

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 02:07:12 GMT

I'M OFFICIALLY 16 AS OF 1 WEEK AGO!!!

i'm soo happy and pissed rite now! lol thanksgiving was cool and all...found that my cuzin has had more sex than me and she's only 14....oh friday was the big NP game in Indy and well we lost cuz we did move our asses enuff lol...and also i met a guy from my skool whose sk8r and funny as hell...we talked like all the way from Indy and well at the end of the nite at 1:45 a.m. he kissed me!! lol and he was a relly good kisser lol...but yea i finally found sum1 who got my mind off Steven and yea i relly like him but there are complications...he's like relly good friends w/jeff who is my sb date, and if jeff kne he'd freak and i'd b dateless like last year...but my friend,Angel called this kid(i'm not telling his name) and when she asked him who he thought it was he said,"sammi?" ..i was like hmmm mayb this kid likes MAYB but w/my luck he most likely doesn't...but today i caught him staring at me and smiling at me and like trying to come over near me at lunch but my friends were kinda keeping us apart lol.....but yea mayb i'll get a bf soon and mayb it'll be him lol well l8r sk8rs!