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| the title sayz I'm going thru. My best friend wants to spend more time w/her boyfriend that me and I understand that. But when I invite her over and she calls me saying she wants to spend the nite with her boyfriend it fucking kills me! I mean I know I haven't been in a relationship in awhile but no real best friend would ditch her friend (who invited her first) for her boyfriend no matter the situation, but I let that go a couple of times and thought "ok its summer he works alot and she works ok i'll let it go." But now its almost skool time and when she's over she's still talking to him even tho just a few hours ago she was pissed at him becuz he was an asshole. I don't know I just feel like he doesn't want her hanging out with me and this is his way of messing things up between us. She's my best friend and I love her to death but there comes a point in everyone's life where we have to chose Friendship VS. Love. And I don't want that to happen to her becuz I kno she loves him and she cares about him deeply and I don't wanna b the bitch who broke up her high skool romance but I mean come on! First they basically tell me that I'm the reason their relationship is fucked up and now I can't my friend only with out him talking to her in someway shape or form. Maybe this all needs to happen for something better to come (or at least I hope) I swear I just wanna lie down and cry everytime this happens becuz all I'm trying to do is hang out with my best friend and have a good time but it seems I can't even do that without him wanting to interfere. Oh well I guess I'll just have to keep my mouth shut about how bad he treats her, how much time he spends with her, and how i supposedly fucked up their relationship. Ta-Ta Loves! | | |
| Life is like a rollarcoaster. Sumtimes it has more ups than downs and vice versus. And this week was def one of the worst of my life. I have a guy who won't leave me alone and stalks me just to get me to talk to him. I have people out to get me for what they think I did. Sum asshole guys think that i turned in a list to NP of drug dealers that deal at the place where i used to work, even tho i'm friends w/most of the people on that list and date druggies! So naturally it doesn't make since why i'd do that!! I finally got a new job and not getting paid cuz i'm "new there". Whatever all i kno is that this next week better get better or i'll frikin shoot sumbody or sumthing! haha Ok i'm off to go finish watching "Evita" the best movie ever! Ta-Ta My Loves! | | |
| i think that the headline explains it all. Steven and I are never going to b together again and this time......i don't mind and i'm ok w/the fact that he wants sum1 his own age. last time he told me this i was sadden and upset, but this time i wasn't upset i was actually....happy. i guess b/c instead of him telling me it i was the one that brought it up and kne wat his answer was going to be. i basically saved myself the trouble of all the tears and the what if's. i'm actually hoping that he'll meet sum1 his own age cuz i guess all he can find is ppl my age idk but i want him to be happy even if its w/sum1 else cuz he was my friend first and always will b. so Steven good luck w/the girl hunt!! haha tonite i'm going over to tasha's and lets just say that there's a big bottle of vodka w/my name on it! =) haha i really need to go and get drunk to forget boys,parents, skool, n gay people!! so i'm going to go start getting ready!! l8r sk8rs | | |
| I miss him. I love him. I wish he were here. I wish he were mine again. Saturday nite Tasha came over to my house and spent the nite and it was a fun,loving, hurting nite. I talked to Steven that nite and well he was pissed b/c of Tasha's e-mail to him, which is was pretty mean. And then I started talking to him then tasha said sum stuff and pissed him off. But then about 20 minutes he started talking to me again. And then i def fucked up by asking a question that i shouldn't have asked....gawd i wish i hadn't sooooo fuckin much. But then he said a really sweet thing even to make me feel better, he said "camp sight with friends, wishing u were there to hold". i mean how fuckin sweet is that!! Then he told me that he loved me and i thought he meant like friends so i said that i loved him too then he goes no i really mean it!! i was sooo fuckin happy!! if he had been there i would have kissed him sooo hard and long! lol but i'm pretty sure that i fucked up w/him b/c of Tasha. Which sux b/c i love him soo fuckin much! I mean i just wanna see him again and b/his again. I wanna b "His Sammi" again. Gawd i miss him but he's probly out partying and not thinking about me, but idk mayb he is thinking about me  . i kno i'm thinking about him! haha well anyway I hope and pray i didn't mess up w/him b/c i can't afford to mess up anymore times w/him cuz idk how much longer he's going to wanna b w/me, u kno? well g2g love ya sk8rs! | | |
| its been awhile since i've wrote in here and i relly need to vent sum stuff. during spring break i was in accident and hit my head on concrete and almost died! not fun! and my mom finally knos that i smoke and begged me to quit so i said i would but at the wired about 3 wks ago i smoked like half a pack b/c i kne it would be the last time i would b able to smoke...until yesterday that is...and today. oops! haha oh well shit happens. i got fired for embarassing my fag (literally) manager b/c he didn't kno how to do a coupon. how gay is that?! been there 2 fuckin yrs. and get fired over a coupon. w/e he needs to get butt-fucked. during spring break steven e-mailed me. and of course he sayz i miss u and wanna see u again. which tasha just gets pissed at me for talking to him again, but she doesn't understand wat i feel for him and wat i went thru and how much stronger i am b/c of him. so yesterday we were at the library in e*ville looking up info on a english project and she gets on the internet to look for pics and get on myspace. when i walked over to show her wat books i had found she was writing a message to steven bitching him out for wat he's done to me and shit. and she asked if i wanted to say anything so i asked to add sumthing about when i last saw him b/c i was hurt by wat happened. and i wanted to ask him id he remembered but i was scared to say anything to him about it. its strange i can bitch practially any1 out but when it comes to him....i just can't. practically all of my friends want me to stay away from him and shit but i've done that...several times i've listened to them instead of my heart. but i think this time i'm going to listen to my heart and not my friends even if it means me hating myself for getting my heart broken again. steven if ur reading this- plz tell me wat u want me to b in ur life. ur friend? ur gf? ur support? just tell me sumthing...ANYTHING!!! as u can tell i'm single and wanting to find sumthing to call home cuz home rite now sux. my dad is always drunk now. i hate it cuz i have nowhere to go. i wish i did, i wish i had sum1 to talk to when he's like this. well l8r sk8rs | | |
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